So here I am again. Start to writing on this beloved blog of mine once again.
I love new things, love to try new things. It's hard for me to keep writing on the same blog. But this one is a keeper. I just simply love it. I have to say that my life was more fun and exciting couple years ago which I could write something new and "foolish" fun everyday. I could write and share my love, my happiness, my anger and my deepest depressions with everyone. I was just a simple happy girl who lived in her own world. I didn't care and didn't have much to care.
When things went down hill at 2007. I stopped almost everything I enjoy to do. There was greater things, more important or should I call argent things for me to do. The princess of her own happiness hit by the reality. Wow. That was fun. I think I quieted down a lot. For the first time of my life that I was alone. I mean I had always felt lonely when I was young, but I had never been alone. You woke up alone in the morning, spent most of the day talk to no one, eat alone, go shopping alone, go to movie alone, go to NYC alone, etc...which I did enjoy to be alone for certain things. However, when you went to bed alone and know you would still be alone in the morning; when you saw amazing sunset and felt happy but know you wouldn't be able to share the moment with anyone; those moments made alone upgrade to loneliness. I was truly depressed sometimes and thought that kind of life would never end. There was time that I couldn't sleep at night. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, but there was too much feelings filled up my mind. All those regrets, hates, angers and sadness were like the ghosts of hunted house that followed in the dark empty spaces and crashed into the walls, windows, doors and people's hearts. To make things worse, I didn't want to talk about my problems to others. (well, I still don't want to. It's just me.) I don't like to be sorry for, laughed about, and judged of. So I had to hold in everything which was my choice and it is the way I am. Things are getting much better now. I am happy about it and cherish every little things that made me happy or showed me the first twilight of the dawn.
Well....I don't know why I am writing those things. LOL. Maybe it is good that I am writing them down that make this post as the first post of my improved happier life. Things still could be better, but I know it won't happen over night. Time is all I need, well, hard work too.
To Mr rabbit: when I said I was happy to know you, to be with you, and to have you in my life; I meant every words that I said.