I think I not a person who work hard enough. If I do work hard, I could have a much better life now with my ability. My math was really bad when I was in middle school. I joined all the extra math classes that school had offered. But I never could pass math test. My math teacher once said in front of the whole class:" Some people join all kinds of after school math classes, like if they don't take all the classes, they have been take disadvantage. But the fact is, it's useless for them to take any those classes. No effect." I know my math teacher was talking about me. Thing like that happened 3 times in my life, it hurts me every time I heard about it. The second time was a year before last year from an ex-classmate of mine. She told me the graphic design teacher that I disliked, pointed me out in front of every one after I changed major:" Some people can never become a designer, like Shanshan." It hurts me again even I didn't heard it by myself. The last time was last year, my boss said to me:" Look pretty means nothing." Yes, everything they said were right. I really wanted to pass my math test, thought if I go to all the after school classes, I could catch up. When I puzzled by a hard math problem, I was very easy to give up. 3D class was too boring too hard, graphic design class was too simple, and don't like those teachers to start with, my mind wasn't straight, homework didn't do it right either; work was boring too, nothing to do at work so I didn't wanted to go. Other things are like those too. Wanted to save money, wanted to study Japanese and software, wanted to learn how to do nails, hair, make-up, making clothes. All gave up. Why? Because of laziness. Things that I wanted to do is really wanted to do, but can't last. I'd buy all the books about it, search for all the information, but at end nothing happen. I am already 26 years old, but has been living like a high school kid. I am very disappointed at myself, not happy with myself. I always think is there a way out, but no improve myself, where is the way out? Maybe because I understand myself too well, so when face my own problems, I can't prioritize them. Greedy, is another defect of mine. If I wasn't greedy, I might already have my happiness. Already half year after I am 26, I really should tell myself. Without thinking, life can't be lived. | 我覺得自己是個不努力的人,如果真的是個努力的人的話,憑著自己的實力,我應該比現在活得好很多。 原來上中學的時候,當時我的數學很差,學校辦的所有有關數學的補習班我都有參加。可是成績卻一直都沒有提高。當時教我們數學的韓老師,在全班的面前說:“有的同學不論什麽補習課都要參加,覺得不參加的話就吃虧了。參加了后結果什麽用也沒有。”當時我知道老師正說的是我。從小到現在,這樣的事情發生了三次,每次我聽見的時候都覺得很難受。第二次是在前年,儅從原來設計科的同學那裏得知,那個我很討厭的中東老師,在我離開設計係后對其他同學指名道姓的說:“有些人永遠都儅不了設計師,就像**一樣。”雖然不是親耳聼見得,心裏也很不舒服。第三次是在去年,老闆批評我說:“不要每天只像個花瓶一樣...” 對的,其實他們說的都是對的。當年我確實很想把數學學好,覺得只要去了補習課就可以了,遇見了數學難題,很容易就放棄了;設計的三維課覺得太無趣,太難,平面設計覺得太簡單,同時也從心裏看不起那些老師;心態本來就沒有很好,功課也沒有好好的做;上班的時候覺得是很無聊的工作,每天無所事事就還不如不去... 其他的事情也是這樣的,想節約用錢,想學習日語和電腦軟件,想學會做指甲,美髮,化裝,做衣服。都放棄了。爲什麽?因爲懶惰。關於想做的事情,真得很想做,三分鐘熱情,買了收集了不少這方面的東西,結果什麽都沒有做。現在已經26嵗了,過得依然是高中生一樣的生活。我自己對自己很失望,也很不滿意。老是在想有沒有什麽出口,可自身的問題沒有解決,哪裏來的出口? 可能也是因爲自己太了解自己了,所以面對自己所有的問題,居然分不出一個主次來。貪心,也是我的一個大缺點,如果不貪心,可能早就有了屬於自己的幸福了。 26嵗已經過了一半了,自己真的應該好好的告訴自己,日子不用思考是不能過的。 |
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Lost & FoundHaven you ever lost yourself? Archives
January 2012
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