I think I not a person who work hard enough. If I do work hard, I could have a much better life now with my ability.
My math was really bad when I was in middle school. I joined all the extra math classes that school had offered. But I never could pass math test. My math teacher once said in front of the whole class:" Some people join all kinds of after school math classes, like if they don't take all the classes, they have been take disadvantage. But the fact is, it's useless for them to take any those classes. No effect." I know my math teacher was talking about me. Thing like that happened 3 times in my life, it hurts me every time I heard about it. The second time was a year before last year from an ex-classmate of mine. She told me the graphic design teacher that I disliked, pointed me out in front of every one after I changed major:" Some people can never become a designer, like Shanshan." It hurts me again even I didn't heard it by myself. The last time was last year, my boss said to me:" Look pretty means nothing."
Yes, everything they said were right. I really wanted to pass my math test, thought if I go to all the after school classes, I could catch up. When I puzzled by a hard math problem, I was very easy to give up. 3D class was too boring too hard, graphic design class was too simple, and don't like those teachers to start with, my mind wasn't straight, homework didn't do it right either; work was boring too, nothing to do at work so I didn't wanted to go.
Other things are like those too. Wanted to save money, wanted to study Japanese and software, wanted to learn how to do nails, hair, make-up, making clothes. All gave up. Why? Because of laziness. Things that I wanted to do is really wanted to do, but can't last. I'd buy all the books about it, search for all the information, but at end nothing happen. I am already 26 years old, but has been living like a high school kid. I am very disappointed at myself, not happy with myself. I always think is there a way out, but no improve myself, where is the way out?
Maybe because I understand myself too well, so when face my own problems, I can't prioritize them. Greedy, is another defect of mine. If I wasn't greedy, I might already have my happiness.
Already half year after I am 26, I really should tell myself. Without thinking, life can't be lived.