It has been about a month that life had no up or down. Everything seems to be fine, quiet, happy and sweet. However, I had fight twice with Mr.Carrot yesterday. Maybe I was moody, maybe he was. I am trying to pay more attention about my emotion, speech and action. I don't want to be controlled by my emotion. A sensibility woman understand what is rationality.
Mr.Carrot and I already bought the tickets to Las Vegas. 11/21-11/25. Looking forward.
I am worried about the future between Mr.Carrot and I. He is younger than me, and young boys' problem is being selfish. It's normal. I am selfish too, everyone wants to think for themselves first. Mr.Carrot already past one of them company's interview, he might just take the offer. Then, he will go back to Japan. If he does that, there won't be any future for us. Even though there is another job fair coming up, the Vegas trip is for future possible job too. But I already had 2 ex who are younger than me and who used "religion, family, future" as an excuse to lie and cheat then break up. In my heart, I am pretty sure Mr.Carrot already decided what he is going to do for his future. He is just buying the time now. He doesn't know how to tell me what he already decided in his mind. Maybe Vegas trip is just a happy memory for post-break up.
I once again at the point which the fate is deciding my life for me. This is not the first time. I only want to get over with it, use my own power, jump out the trap of life.
我最近在擔心自己和正的將來，因爲畢竟正比我小，我對小男生的偏見就是他們比較自私。這也難免，我也是自私的，誰都會為自己先想。那個已經決定要正的日本排行前100位的公司，對正很有殺傷性。很有可能正就會選擇那個公司，囘日本去工作，我和正的感情也就會算是半死了。雖然說11月17-19日，他還會去參加BOSTON CAREER FAIR，21-25日去LAS VEGAS也是去看PANDA EXPRESS工作為前提的；但可能因爲以前有“因爲自己敵不過家庭和宗教，而劈腿，爲了讓自己好過一些，小兩嵗的田中”和“因爲和珊珊在一起會影響到自己的將來生活和夢想，而重返前女友，爲了更現實的將來，小三嵗的伊籐”，我在猜想會不會在正的心中已經決定好了何去何從了，只是現在在推延時間，不知道如何告訴我而已？也許期待的VEGAS之行，會是他已經計劃好了的分離前最後一次快樂奢侈旅行？