I was sick during the weekend. Not sure it was because the unstable weather of the early fall or the angry of Friday night. Yes, I was jealous, and very much so. All kind of thoughts came up in my mind, I rather believe it was the truth than nothing. I have to admitted I was jealous. I don't want to lie to myself. Dad told me be confident with myself, and believe myself is a really beautiful girl. When you are at the situation that you cannot have nothing, being beautiful is wasteful. I slept the whole day and night alone, and want to throw acid to that bitch's beautiful face, then cut off her lower body. My hatred can be this much cruel , and the darkness and weakness of my heart emerged themselves completely under the sound of laughter of jealous. I told myself that it is a good thing, he and she are together, he is happier than when he was with me. Just a man, a man who I betrayed, let him have his happiness. The tears of mine is the punishment, not because of him nor her. I saw myself in the mirror at morning. The pores are huge, fine lines are deep, face is losing the shape of youth. Youth really can be taken away by relationships. I forced myself to smile even there is nothing to be happy about. Smile can make a woman beautiful and brave. Put down the evils in my heart, Goodbye. | 周末的時候生了一場病,不知道是因爲初秋多變的天氣,還是星期五晚上自己生的那一場氣。是的,我的確嫉妒。而且還嫉妒的很厲害。滿腦子的胡思亂想,我寧願信其有,不願信其無。我必須承認我的嫉妒,我不想欺騙我自己。爸爸對我說,讓我要對自己有自信,相信自己其實真的是個漂亮的女孩子。在一個什麽都不能擁有的時候,擁有美麗好像是一種浪費。我在床上一個人昏睡了一天一夜,想用硫酸毀掉那個漂亮女生的臉,用刀割掉他的生殖器。自己的仇恨居然殘忍到了這種地步,我内心脆弱而黑暗的一面在嫉妒的嘲笑下完全展現了出來。我對自己說其實這樣對他們很好,他和她在一起,比我和他在一起一定會更快樂,更幸福。不就是個男人嘛,還是自己曾經背叛過得前男友,就讓他幸福的去吧。自己流淚是爲了自己受到的懲罰,不管他的事情,更不管她的事情。 早上在鏡子中看到毛孔粗大,額頭佈滿細紋,臉頰下垂的自己,青春真的可以被感情消磨的很快。我強迫自己沒事的時候也做出笑臉,因爲微笑的女人很美麗也很勇敢。 放下心中的罪惡,再見。 |
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