What have I been doing there years and what kind of person that I became? What I lost is much more than what I gained. It is all my fault. But you can't live once again, right? Why am I asking this stupid question which I already have answer, of cause it can't start over again. Let's just ask myself a question that if everything can start over again, where do I want to start? When did I start to do things wrong? Maybe start from high school, but I had too many choices in front of me. Maybe should be from 2004. Only 2 years of time, but so many things happened, so many thing changed.
Really, I was wrong. I was wrong on many things. To others, to many things, the worst to myself, I was all wrong. There is nothing like start over again like how it is in TV. Can't go back, but the road in front of me still need to walk. What kind of life should mine to be? Did I miss out the real important things in life because I was chasing after the wrong things? There days, I really feel outside look is powerless, the true self is useless. I can't see what is my good points, what I can do?
I see smile in that little box and feel I am just like her. Smile is growing bigger everyday, and wants to escape from that little box everyday. But she couldn't find her way, even she runs out that she will be found and locked up again. I am too, always want to escape from my life, but I would found by reality and locked up again every time I felt I was free from it. My life now is like smile lives in the wood box, locked down. I too like smile, asking to have someone to unlock the box, but that person never come.
So depressed. Feel the pressure is crushing my heart, but still have to pretend happy in front of others, keep smiling. I want to fix it, but how to fix it? It is all my fault.
What should I do?