Tired. That’s how I feel now.
I got up close to 8 a.m when I heard someone was up. My dad was surprised to see me up, and told me that I can sleep longer. But I wasn’t slept enough to go back to bed, maybe because of the time difference. My mom was up too soon after she heard my voice. We had a simple breakfast with warm soy milk and Chinese bum covered by sesame butter. It was a very typical breakfast at my household (Not sure if every Chinese family has that typical breakfast).
At the breakfast table, my parents reviewed the plans of today with me: Go see my dad’s side of grandparents in the morning and lunch with them; go to see my mom’s side of grandmother after that and go to check out couple wedding dress stores and shop for some fall clothes for me.
Catch a bus was a interesting thing. My mom passed me a red card with barcodes on:” Here is your monthly pass for the bus.” What? Bus? I am gonna take bus? When was my last time take bus in China? I searched my memories and found the piece of it back to the year 1994. That was my last memories of taking bus. I was very lucky that my dad had a great career which provided me many things above average Chinese. A personal own car was one of them, and big allows every week. I haven’t take bus in China for 18 years. I didn’t want to tell them how scared I was to go take the bus with them, and I want take taxi. I don’t want them to think that American life spoiled me. To see how simple their life is made me feel shamed to ask them:” Is there body lotion for me to use after shower?” My parents have the simplest and oldest apartment around all their friends. They are that kind of people who won’t change their TVs, floors, walls, sofas...until they are unfixable. So, my old home looks very rundown.
The bus was much clear than I remember, better too. Not much difference with the bus in America. You go up from front door, scan your pass or put your money in the ticket machine, find a empty seat or somewhere to hold on to and get out from the back door. The difference is the bus comes every 5 minutes, passages are back to back, and they push you, pass you, rush you without saying anything. Yes, it is ruled and cold, but it seems to be the way it is in China.
I loved to go to the home of dad’s grandparents, yeye (grandfather) and nainai (grandmother) when I was young. I lived with them when I was little, and what great time and great memories that I have. When I walked in the courtyard of the apartment complex, I saw my grandma at the 4th floor’s 阳台 looking out. Just like how she always does. I waved my hand with a big smile on my face. I was sure she saw my big smile because I saw hers. We walked up to the 4th floor (there is no elevator for older apartments which build before the year 1999. I did carried my 50lb suitcase to my old home of 7th floor with my dad’s help.), my grandma was already at the door. I went up and gave her a big hug!! She looks old and much shorter than before (maybe 5’0”) but she is still the same grandma as how I remembered. “Ah! Shanshan. You became taller!” My grandma said, she didn’t see my 5” high heels. My grandparents’ place is same as my old home, rundown. My mom said they are too old to make any changes. I found my grandpa in the kitchen cooking something. “Yeye~!” I called him. He turned to me:” Iya (a sound Chinese make when they are happy or sad) My granddaughter!” He was happy to see me, but he just stood there. “ Let me give you a hug.” I said and I hugged him (Chinese people normally don’t hug each other at all, even with family members):” Do you need any help?” I looked at the dishes. “No, no. I am just making some fish. Go sit down.” I went back to living room and found my grandma with my parents. “Shanshan, here.” My mom pass me the gifts that I bought home for the grandparents. I took a down vest out:” Nainai, this is for you.” I handed to her the green down vest. “I ya. So pretty!” My grandma put it on:” It fit perfectly. Very good, very good. I like it.” She laughed happily.
My grandpa came in to the living room too. I had him the black down vest. He tried it on, liked it also, and took it off soon. “Shanshan, You are still Chinese, ok?” He sat down next to me and said. I know what is it coming from. For my grandparents’ generation, they have a very high loyal to China. They fought for China over 40 years (WWII, Korean war and Vietnam war). He didn’t actually mean if I am still a Chinese citizen or American citizen, but if I still think I am Chinese. “Yes, Of course.” I said. “ Westerner looks down us. No good.” He shaked his head. Let me translate what actually meant to say:” Westerner has been richer than us, and I am worried you marry with a non-Chinese. I am worried if you won’t get your happiness and being tread badly.” I hugged him from the side:” Don’t worry, Yeye. Brian is a very nice guy.” He signed and said:” Not easy. Life is not easy.” Out of blue, he started to cry. I softly touched his back and tried to comfort him. He started to talking about that things that don’t really related to me. How my uncle isn’t doing well, how some people are being selfish, how he is not happy with China today. My mom who was sat in front of him, had her eyes red too. My eyes teared up to see him let his feeling out, but I didn’t cry. My tear won’t comfort him. My grandpa had so many unhappiness in his heart, and maybe no one really listened to him before. I just stand next to him, listened to all the compliances that he had and unhappiness. He is 88. He is sad because he worries that this might be the last time he saw me before I return to China again.
Before the lunch, we were just sitting in the living room chatting. I didn’t talk the most of time because they were talking about the family affairs that I don’t know about, and it is also because my dad was yelling the most of the time. That is just how he talks when he has a different opinion with others.....but I couldn’t stand it. Too Loud....there is no need for rising the voice. I started to wondering if that’s how Chinese people talk. It started to give me headache. Lucky, the lunch was ready. Dumpling. My grandma gave me a bowl with 20 dumplings. They were small but with mushroom inside, and I thought about mushroom ravioli. I was sleepy by the time I done with lunch and had to go take 2 hours nap. The dumpling was delicious but my sleepless won.
The plan for afternoon was to visit my mom’s mom, laolao. She lives by herself after my grandfather, gongong, passed away 15 years ago. My mom told me that laolao still play Majiang a lot. Majiang is a game which kind of like card game. It’s very popluar in China and require 4 people to play. My grandma, laolao, loves it so much. I went to see her during her Majiang game last time when I came back to China, and this time too. My mom took me to a senior Majiang club where my grandma, laolao, has a regular membership there. In this small room, there are 4 Majiang tables. Laolao sat in front of the door where she could look out to the window to see outside. My mom told me that’s her regular seat. My grandma saw me when my mom and I walked closer to the room. She stood up with a big smile on her face. “Wu Shan!” She called me. “Laolao!” I gave her a hug too. Her game friends, who were also 3 ladies close to my grandma’s age, all stopped the game and looked at us with smile too. “This is my granddaughter! Just came back from out of country.” Laolao introduced me to her friends. Everyone looked at me with a kind smile. My mom told her when we will meet for diner later this week, and said to me:” Your grandma has to go back to the game, let’s go.” While we were walking out, my mom said:” No bad. She actually did stop the game this time to talk to you.”
“let’s go shopping since you didn’t bring many clothes back.” My mom said to me. I love to go shopping with my mom since she always allow me to buy what I want. My dad is very careful with money. It’s kind of stress to go shopping with him. To my surprise, my dad didn’t disagree with us at all and said:” Don’t forget to take my credit card.”
I had no idea where we were going even my mom was telling me all the street names. They sounds so strange and unknown to me. The amount of people on the street is more than what I expected. We got off at somewhere suppose to be a small street, but now it became a bigger street with full of people. My mom and I walked though a hallway of packed people and small restaurants, and end up at somewhere I do have memory of. It looked different. Everything looked so different. The shops, streets, buildings and people.
My mom and I went to few stores and a big department store. I bought a winter coat, and 2 pair of shoes. Um...guess how much did I spent? $4949RMB...that is around $783USD. Much more than what I would spend in US!!!! The price is so much higher than before. Anything look nice could cost you more than $100USD, and the quality of the cheaper things can’t be compared.
China is not the China that I use to know. It changed so much that I don’t know if I can get use to here. I wish China never changed. I don’t feel like I am at home at all. Nothing is same.
I got up close to 8 a.m when I heard someone was up. My dad was surprised to see me up, and told me that I can sleep longer. But I wasn’t slept enough to go back to bed, maybe because of the time difference. My mom was up too soon after she heard my voice. We had a simple breakfast with warm soy milk and Chinese bum covered by sesame butter. It was a very typical breakfast at my household (Not sure if every Chinese family has that typical breakfast).
At the breakfast table, my parents reviewed the plans of today with me: Go see my dad’s side of grandparents in the morning and lunch with them; go to see my mom’s side of grandmother after that and go to check out couple wedding dress stores and shop for some fall clothes for me.
Catch a bus was a interesting thing. My mom passed me a red card with barcodes on:” Here is your monthly pass for the bus.” What? Bus? I am gonna take bus? When was my last time take bus in China? I searched my memories and found the piece of it back to the year 1994. That was my last memories of taking bus. I was very lucky that my dad had a great career which provided me many things above average Chinese. A personal own car was one of them, and big allows every week. I haven’t take bus in China for 18 years. I didn’t want to tell them how scared I was to go take the bus with them, and I want take taxi. I don’t want them to think that American life spoiled me. To see how simple their life is made me feel shamed to ask them:” Is there body lotion for me to use after shower?” My parents have the simplest and oldest apartment around all their friends. They are that kind of people who won’t change their TVs, floors, walls, sofas...until they are unfixable. So, my old home looks very rundown.
The bus was much clear than I remember, better too. Not much difference with the bus in America. You go up from front door, scan your pass or put your money in the ticket machine, find a empty seat or somewhere to hold on to and get out from the back door. The difference is the bus comes every 5 minutes, passages are back to back, and they push you, pass you, rush you without saying anything. Yes, it is ruled and cold, but it seems to be the way it is in China.
I loved to go to the home of dad’s grandparents, yeye (grandfather) and nainai (grandmother) when I was young. I lived with them when I was little, and what great time and great memories that I have. When I walked in the courtyard of the apartment complex, I saw my grandma at the 4th floor’s 阳台 looking out. Just like how she always does. I waved my hand with a big smile on my face. I was sure she saw my big smile because I saw hers. We walked up to the 4th floor (there is no elevator for older apartments which build before the year 1999. I did carried my 50lb suitcase to my old home of 7th floor with my dad’s help.), my grandma was already at the door. I went up and gave her a big hug!! She looks old and much shorter than before (maybe 5’0”) but she is still the same grandma as how I remembered. “Ah! Shanshan. You became taller!” My grandma said, she didn’t see my 5” high heels. My grandparents’ place is same as my old home, rundown. My mom said they are too old to make any changes. I found my grandpa in the kitchen cooking something. “Yeye~!” I called him. He turned to me:” Iya (a sound Chinese make when they are happy or sad) My granddaughter!” He was happy to see me, but he just stood there. “ Let me give you a hug.” I said and I hugged him (Chinese people normally don’t hug each other at all, even with family members):” Do you need any help?” I looked at the dishes. “No, no. I am just making some fish. Go sit down.” I went back to living room and found my grandma with my parents. “Shanshan, here.” My mom pass me the gifts that I bought home for the grandparents. I took a down vest out:” Nainai, this is for you.” I handed to her the green down vest. “I ya. So pretty!” My grandma put it on:” It fit perfectly. Very good, very good. I like it.” She laughed happily.
My grandpa came in to the living room too. I had him the black down vest. He tried it on, liked it also, and took it off soon. “Shanshan, You are still Chinese, ok?” He sat down next to me and said. I know what is it coming from. For my grandparents’ generation, they have a very high loyal to China. They fought for China over 40 years (WWII, Korean war and Vietnam war). He didn’t actually mean if I am still a Chinese citizen or American citizen, but if I still think I am Chinese. “Yes, Of course.” I said. “ Westerner looks down us. No good.” He shaked his head. Let me translate what actually meant to say:” Westerner has been richer than us, and I am worried you marry with a non-Chinese. I am worried if you won’t get your happiness and being tread badly.” I hugged him from the side:” Don’t worry, Yeye. Brian is a very nice guy.” He signed and said:” Not easy. Life is not easy.” Out of blue, he started to cry. I softly touched his back and tried to comfort him. He started to talking about that things that don’t really related to me. How my uncle isn’t doing well, how some people are being selfish, how he is not happy with China today. My mom who was sat in front of him, had her eyes red too. My eyes teared up to see him let his feeling out, but I didn’t cry. My tear won’t comfort him. My grandpa had so many unhappiness in his heart, and maybe no one really listened to him before. I just stand next to him, listened to all the compliances that he had and unhappiness. He is 88. He is sad because he worries that this might be the last time he saw me before I return to China again.
Before the lunch, we were just sitting in the living room chatting. I didn’t talk the most of time because they were talking about the family affairs that I don’t know about, and it is also because my dad was yelling the most of the time. That is just how he talks when he has a different opinion with others.....but I couldn’t stand it. Too Loud....there is no need for rising the voice. I started to wondering if that’s how Chinese people talk. It started to give me headache. Lucky, the lunch was ready. Dumpling. My grandma gave me a bowl with 20 dumplings. They were small but with mushroom inside, and I thought about mushroom ravioli. I was sleepy by the time I done with lunch and had to go take 2 hours nap. The dumpling was delicious but my sleepless won.
The plan for afternoon was to visit my mom’s mom, laolao. She lives by herself after my grandfather, gongong, passed away 15 years ago. My mom told me that laolao still play Majiang a lot. Majiang is a game which kind of like card game. It’s very popluar in China and require 4 people to play. My grandma, laolao, loves it so much. I went to see her during her Majiang game last time when I came back to China, and this time too. My mom took me to a senior Majiang club where my grandma, laolao, has a regular membership there. In this small room, there are 4 Majiang tables. Laolao sat in front of the door where she could look out to the window to see outside. My mom told me that’s her regular seat. My grandma saw me when my mom and I walked closer to the room. She stood up with a big smile on her face. “Wu Shan!” She called me. “Laolao!” I gave her a hug too. Her game friends, who were also 3 ladies close to my grandma’s age, all stopped the game and looked at us with smile too. “This is my granddaughter! Just came back from out of country.” Laolao introduced me to her friends. Everyone looked at me with a kind smile. My mom told her when we will meet for diner later this week, and said to me:” Your grandma has to go back to the game, let’s go.” While we were walking out, my mom said:” No bad. She actually did stop the game this time to talk to you.”
“let’s go shopping since you didn’t bring many clothes back.” My mom said to me. I love to go shopping with my mom since she always allow me to buy what I want. My dad is very careful with money. It’s kind of stress to go shopping with him. To my surprise, my dad didn’t disagree with us at all and said:” Don’t forget to take my credit card.”
I had no idea where we were going even my mom was telling me all the street names. They sounds so strange and unknown to me. The amount of people on the street is more than what I expected. We got off at somewhere suppose to be a small street, but now it became a bigger street with full of people. My mom and I walked though a hallway of packed people and small restaurants, and end up at somewhere I do have memory of. It looked different. Everything looked so different. The shops, streets, buildings and people.
My mom and I went to few stores and a big department store. I bought a winter coat, and 2 pair of shoes. Um...guess how much did I spent? $4949RMB...that is around $783USD. Much more than what I would spend in US!!!! The price is so much higher than before. Anything look nice could cost you more than $100USD, and the quality of the cheaper things can’t be compared.
China is not the China that I use to know. It changed so much that I don’t know if I can get use to here. I wish China never changed. I don’t feel like I am at home at all. Nothing is same.